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Stuck on booze,
Got this feeling way deep in my throat that I just can’t lose,
Yes I’m on my way,
Needed a drink,
And this time I’m coming to the bar to stay in a big way,
Yes I’m on my way
Cos I’m getting on that midnight matatu to Tumbos’,
And I know just where I’m goooing,
Got all my bus-fare and my booze money by my side,
Cos this time Pilsner cold,
I’m coming to the bar to staaaay…. I’m stuck on booze…

During my drinking days I used to sing these words to the tune of Lionel Rich’s evergreen ballad ‘Stuck On You’ while strumming loudly on the guitar.

These were the days of singing for my supper and I do not speak figuratively but literally. My supper (breakfast and lunch) in those days was of the liquid variety and I was not too choosy as long as it had one thing in it - alcohol!

After sitting in bars for days whatever fund I had depleted, it was now a battle of wits. Me versus them. We would find out who was smarter and I always knew I was. For this then is the alcoholic thinking, the addict’s way of thinking.

The whole world was against me, my parents were against me, and my wife was against me, my kids were against me, but I would show them. So I would entertain and perform ridiculous antics, and sing crazy songs and the patrons would laugh hysterically and shout "apewe" (give him a drink).

So would come my appreciation and more jokes and more shouts of “apewe” and some of these bottles of beer I would slyly return to the counter in exchange for hard cash tipping the bartender 10 bob a bottle as his commission for not letting on and by the end of the evening I would have quite a tidy sum.

From here I would shift base to a nightclub and there were several where I did not have to pay and could even sign in guests and so to more entertainment and more drinks and here I would ask for vodka and a knowing barman would bring me two ‘double tots’ - of water! I would later pick up the money less the bartender’s commission.

What of the occasional hard nights where I could not seem to get a drink, well there was always ‘DBG’ (Direct Beer Grabbing.) This is how it worked. From wherever I was perching I would survey couples ordering fresh drinks then wait for them to leave for the dance floor.

I would then wend my way past their table, bobbing easily in time to the music and switch an almost finished beer which I had picked up from another table with an almost full one which I had just seen freshly ordered.

Back I my table I would watch and then burst out laughing as the couple came back from the dance floor and the guy picked up his beer took a swig, spluttered said something to the girl, who shrugged as if telling him he had probably drank more than he thought.

Yes I would think to myself, you are one baaad mother! A few years before the end of my drinking career, the mini-pack (alcohol filled sachets) were introduced in the Kenyan market.

Here is where I would really like to thank all the manufacturers of these drinks for introducing them when they did. I owe my life to them for launching this product then.

For had they flooded the market with these drinks a few years earlier, I would be dead. Dead and long buried. But I could not thank these manufacturers as they were all scattered willy-nilly over the booze manufacturing landscape.

But recently in huge ads in certain sections of the print media, they have grouped together in the form of grand sounding ‘Kenya Alcoholic Drinks Manufacturers Association’ (KADMA).

But I will still not be able to thank them because; the Association has not listed any address neither phones, nor post box or an email where they can be contacted.

But what is even more interesting is the brief statement given with the list of prices. "We the under listed members of the above association have decided to adjust prices of our products to be in line with the society’s economic realities. The following prices will take effect from March 29, 2004."

Nine companies are the listed with the new prices for the sachets, which range between Kshs. 10 to Kshs. 25. But most notable is the absence of one of the biggest players in this industry London Distillers Ltd. with their flagship brand ‘Safari Cane.’

Indeed this seems to be the beginning of increased price wars between KADMA and the lone ranger London Distillers who recently slashed prices of their 100 ml. Sachet from Kshs. 40/- to Kshs. 30/-. Even as the cut prices, they also changed the packaging from the sachet to a new miniature bottle.

Note that KADMA’s most expensive sachet is Kshs. Five cheaper than Safari Cane. Indeed the advertising war has already started with large ads in the dailies advertising the types of drinks available with great emphasis on the price.

Thus we are now entering a new phase to keep Kenyans ‘stuck on booze!’ These sachets are so cheap, easy to carry and available everywhere that Kenyans should brace themselves for widespread drunkenness and death.

Right now the Kenya Bureau of Standards should go back to its drawing board and decide whether Kenyans can afford to have this kind of packaging. But right now all right thinking Kenyans should lobby for the banning of sachets.

Look around you on the streets, in towns and cities and in the estates, outside schools, inside schools, hospitals churches, mosques in short everywhere lies litter of empty sachets. Who is going to reign in distillers run amok?

The writer is the winner of the Kenya Union of Journalists, 2003 Drugs Reporter of The Year award. A recovering alcoholic, he can be reached at goinghomedotcom@yahoo.com Website: www.goinghomekenya.org

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