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Story and Pix by David Ogot snr. © May 2003
We have finally gone 'live' - www.goinghomedotcom.org the first website of
its kind in the region, and it is due to the faith so many of you had in me
and the vision. The vision of 'touching lives through inspiration' and helping
by doing this de-stigmatise alcoholism and thus encourage people to seek help.
After over two years of living on my hard drive, we can now share the fruits of our labours
with the rest of the Kenyans and the world. Just as alcoholism is a 'whole family disease' so
too is recovery. Everyone from individual to the family and society has to be involved.
But there are so many myths and misconceptions surrounding the disease of alcoholism that
the stigma and shame felt by the families and the alcoholics themselves prevents one looking
for help. Families become furtive and secretive going into high gear denial mode as they look
for every reason possible under the sun to excuse why their loved ones are drinking the way
they are.
The whole family from the young ones to the oldest, adjust their lifestyles
to accommodate that of their drinking member. They learn to lie for them, make
excuses for them to bosses, spouses, teachers and neighbours. They learn the
names of the various OCSs' in the various police stations and even the telephone
numbers by heart. Every time the phone rings they expect trouble. Unpaid bills
in bars, creditors demanding their money - taxi men hooting loudly at the gate.
They learn the names of nurses at hospitals and know what time the mortuaries
operate and even the names of some of the attendants.
They plead, weep, threaten, explode in anger and exasperation and then plead again. Their
hopes rise as at times there are periods of sobriety. Periods when they are convinced that
this finally is the light at the end of the tunnel. They kneel down and promise God anything if
really this time their loved one has stopped. And for a while it seems their prayers have been
answered. Their loved one begins to laugh again. They begin to gain weight and family members
begin to let out their pent up breath slowly. A week passes, two - a month. Then, boom! Their
loved one has started again. There is no apparent reason. It is like the proverbial bolt out
of the blue.
Blood pressure shoots up again. The rest of the family readjusts again. After
all we cannot abandon them. There must be something we did wrong to make them
drink like this. Anguish, despair once again becomes the order of the day.
Then finally one day another bolt out of the blue. Your loved one agrees that they have a
problem. They agree that the problem is alcohol (or other drugs). They have come out of denial!
hey want help. They are ready for help. Suddenly you find you have jumped from the frying pan
into the fire. Where do you take them? Where does one treat alcoholism or other drug addiction?
Where do you even start asking? Who? Tentatively you try here and there. Everybody gives you
a different piece of advice. Try closing your eyes and walking wherever you are right now. You
keep bumping into things. That is how it is trying to now get help. Bump, bump, bump!
And assuming you do not reach that blessed day when your loved one agrees they need help? If
they just continue on and on and on. Who do you talk to? Who can advice you.?
This is what my parents went through. This is what my wife went through. This is what my friends
and relatives went through. And when I finally agreed that I needed help, they didn't know where
to go. We finally lucked onto the correct place for me well over a year after I had first
agreed that I needed help.
When I decided I wanted to dedicate the rest of my life helping fellow alcoholics like me
the first thing I wanted to do was to prevent people walking with their eyes closed going 'bump,
bump, bump' into obstacles as they looked for help. I talked to a lot of you friends out there
got advice and assistance and here is the website. A one stop shop where there is advice, lists
of where to go or who to see or talk to. Material you can download for yourself or a friend. A
discussion board where you can send you views, suggestions, ideas, thoughts or just share.
For just like the alcoholic has to realise he is powerless over alcohol and that his life
has become unmanageable, so too must the loved ones, husbands, wives, children and other
relatives and friends realise that they too are powerless over alcohol which is also making
their lives unmanageable. The sooner they admit this the sooner they stop staggering under an unbearable
burden. No alcoholic has ever been helped by preaching and nagging and getting angry only makes
them feel more guilty leading to more drinking. All this emotional energy we expend for nought
on this is better used in learning about the disease and then planning a constructive course of
action.
This website is not mine but ours. But going live is only the second step with our eyes open.
You need to tell others about the site. You need to send in your suggestions.
You need to send in your ideas. You need to send in your experiences whether
anonymously or with your name attached. You need to send in your advice if you
are in recovery, tips that help keep you sober one day at a time. For this website
is like recovery - always changing, always moving foward.
I did not get this far by myself but with your help. And now we need to work together so
as to fight the stigma and myths surrounding alcoholism. We have started, as for the rest... one
day at a time.
Lastly I give most profound thanks to God for without him I would not be alive and
sober today. And that is all I ask him for today. One day at a time.
God bless you all and thank you for sparing the time to read this.
David Ogot snr.
Recovering Alcoholic
Friday June 10th
NAIROBI
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