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In order to explain relapse as a cycle, we need to examine addiction or return to self-destructive behavior as a cycle. This cycle can be broken down into five parts; fleeting idea, mental attention, obsession/planning, using and guilt/remorse. The cycle usually starts with some kind of blow to the ego that feels painful or overwhelming. The survival brain immediately seeks relief, pleasure, or comfort.

Here are the stages:

1. A fleeting Idea
   First, there is a fleeting/harmful idea-an image of the addictive behavior. This can be the thought: "wouldn't a drink/chocolate taste good right now? I really need to see Jeffrey again." It often feels as if the thought entered from outside oneself.
2. Toying with the fantasy.
   Second, or addict part gives the fantasy willing attention and toys with the idea. Like playing with fire, there can be a "high" attached to the sense of danger. The addicted person cons himself or herself with a permission giving statement: "Oh, just this once; I can always quit again; I can control it; no big deal.".Person starts imagining that first drink, going to 'karumaindo', or seeing an old lover. In response to these thoughts, the brain chemistry changes, creating a sense of relief or a "high". The addictive trance is taking hold. Many people describe experiencing a "click" as they move into the addictive trance.
3. Making Plans.
   The third stage is full-fledged obsessing and making plans for the addiction acting out. The adrenaline starts to flow the anticipated pleasure or relief from tension as the person becomes preoccupied with the euphoria that will come. You disconnect at a deeper level from the present. This is a time when accidents happen, people misplace things, or totally tune out conversations: Oh my God, what did he say I was supposed to do?
4. Acting out the addiction.
   The fourth stage is engaging in the addictive behavior and feeling the momentary release. IT can be the "high" that comes with the first drink of the day, making a sexual conquest, going to the bingo parlor, or going to see someone you were trying to stay away from. For a little while, you feel better,but sooner or later you pay the price.
5. Hangover.
   The fifth stage is when reality of life dawns and once again the underlying loneliness and sadness along with remorse or shame for acting out the addiction are felt. You feel emptiness and terror as you realize, perhaps for only a moment, that you cannot find love in a bottle, at the bottom of a pack of cigarettes or in a wild sexual encounter. The hangover may trigger a period of "being good" and making resolutions, but eventually, if the underlying feelings are not addressed or the person does not have skills for staying sober, or does not break out of the shame cycle, something will again trigger the addictive cycle.

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