Back to 'light touch' index

Sunday Standard - 30/12/01 - Benson's World.

The season of cheer and goodwill is yet to run its course, and many of us are not even halfway through our drink quota. And as Kenyans have proven time after time, they never believe in half measures especially when it comes to booze. So they need to be protected from themselves and Ann Lemaiyan reports, the Kenya Bureau of Standards has ordered the country's brewers, vintners and distillers to stick the following labels on all their beer containers.

• WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell happened to your bra.
• WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when you are not.
• WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like a retarded person.
• WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell your friends over and over again that you love them.
• WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to think you can sing.
• WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that ex-lovers are really dying for you to telephone them at four in the morning.
• WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you can logically converse with members of the opposite sex without spitting.
• WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you have mystical Kung -Fu powers, resulting in you getting your behind kicked.
• WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to roll over in the morning and see something really scary.
• WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of inexplicable bruised lumps on the forehead, knees, etc.
• WARNING: The Consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, smarter, faster and better looking than most people.
• WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe you are invisible.
• WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are laughing WITH you.
• WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause a disturbance in the time-space continuum, whereby gaps of time may seem to literally disappear.
• WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause pregnancy.

This site is designed by David Ogot snr. And hosted by
Science & Engineering Research Center
©goinghomedotcom 2001 - 2006
Disclaimer Privacy Policy