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Am I? Am I so hopeless, so weak willed that I can't drink like everyone else. Why is it that when I start they are all ready to go home while I am just getting warmed up.

Why do they always want to spoil the fun just when I am feeling so good and energetic and can party the whole night long? Why do they always want to go home with comments like 'it's time to go', 'you’ve had enough', instead of saying, 'we have had enough', 'we can’t drink like you.'

By now you must be wondering who they are. Well if you are like me, they are your boss, wife, husband, girlfriend, boyfriend, mother, father, uncle, cousin or friend; in short all the people who spoil the fun when you are out drinking.

So I decide to prove them wrong. 'Okay I say, I will not drink for - 10 days! Impossible you say. We will see'

But then how come that on the third day I kept wondering what our friends in our usual 'maskan' (joints) were doing. By the 7th day, I was almost willing to lose the bet and only images of their jeering, mocking faces helped to strengthen my resolve.

Finally on the 11th day I tore down to our usual maskan and crowed triumphantly 'you see I did it!' Then I proceeded to quaff down beers like my life depended on it. At this one of my buddies laughed and said that if that were the way I was going to drink after only ten days then he would hate to see me after I had not drank for a month.

'Kenya Breweries would have to step up production just for that' guffawed another mate. Everybody laughed and this really rankled.

'Okay, from now I only drink on weekends.

But that was many years ago. When I still had a job and most of my friends. I did not last long on weekends only, so I tried month-ends only, birthdays and weddings only, only when I was with my wife, then limited the amount of cash I carried so I would be forced to leave when it was finished (but could Always get credit or a 'friend' to buy another) and then when I finally I tried to stop completely for a while, I found to my chagrin, I couldn't. I was POWERLESS. All my methods and attempts had failed. I had to find a stronger Power/Being than alcohol who had now become like my god.

So as I try to find myself spiritually, there is God as I understand him and having realized that the biggest myth of all is that all I need is willpower to stop I found that by admitting powerlessness I was now on the path to freedom.

Therefore, I do have a choice, and I don’t have to bet anymore with any one. All I have to do is not lift drink number one and I won’t have a problem with number five or number 100.

So all I have to do is not lift that drink today for yesterday is gone and tomorrow I have no control over, and thus by doing this it is always today. And that much I can cope with.

Yours sincerely
DAVID OGOT Snr.
23rd August 2001

PS: Nothing but total abstinence from your drink or drug of choice will do to control powerlessness

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